The Past and the Present (An internalization with Death Poets Society)
I decided to upload an entry in a previous journal; an entry which doesn’t have any relation to our local and national politics, to the new flyover which enraged busy and traffic-hater Ilonggos a few days ago, or to the 15 hour blackout experienced by the city last Sunday (minus the aircon and plus the suffocating summer heat, blood pressures of our elders rose to a degree or so). This entry is an internal discussion that I made years ago. Hmmm… Let’s see if my views of the world changed after 3 ½ years…This internalization was and is in relation to selected lines of the infamous movie Dead Poets Society. Shall we? (Sometimes, it pays to have a journal because you can see yourself and what your beliefs then were):
“Captain, my captain.”
Then (2003): Associating the lines with the last two lines of William Ernest Henley’s poem Invictus (I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul), questions like “Are we really the masters of our fates?” and “Are we the captains of our souls?” emerge. Going back to the movie, one of the main characters wanted to direct his life but couldn’t because of his father. Somehow, I feel connected to that boy because I see myself in him.
Now (2007): After having experienced a lot of adversities in my young life, I can say that we are really our own captain. What we will become in the next 20 years is the product of our continuous navigation. We may have our parents, mentors, friends, and critics to help us trudge the right way, but at the end of the day, decisions are in our hands. We are always liable for the things that are happening and will happen to us but because most of us can’t accept the truth that we allowed certain bad and ugly thins to eat a part of our lives, society has allowed us to blame other people for our misfortunes. (The kind of jeepney that we drive doesn’t matter. What matters is what kind of driver we are: the driver who waits for 15- 20 minutes for potential passengers, the one who drives his jeepney like a race car without consideration to his passengers, or the one who stops in the loading area and will even fight his right if a passenger makes “para” in inappropriate unloading area.
“Carpe Diem!” (Seize the day!)
Then (2003): That’s what I’m doing with my life now. I don’t want to do the things I hate. In the movie, the boys grabbed opportunities that they think can change their lives like performing in a stage play against his father’s will. And me? I’m taking and savoring the opportunity to live, to eat, to study, to be myself, to have different circles of friends, and of course, to dream and make it a reality.
Now (2007): After a down moment last week, I again realized that I have to do certain things that will make me happy, even if I will be labeled as deviant. But seizing opportunities for me doesn’t mean gobbling spoonfuls of it (it will just lead to vomiting or bloating); one must also be very selective. Hhhmm… Anyway, nothing much changed. I’m still the same with regards to this aspect. But living, eating, and being myself is not an opportunity; it’s a choice.
“Nothing is impossible.”
Then (2003): Nothing is impossible if we believe in our truest self. But we must know our limitations.
Now (2007): “Nothing is impossible” is a great mantra if used positively. I still believe in what I wrote years ago but we mustn’t stop after knowing our limitations. We must work on our limitations and working on it is like making a circle into a square, a painter’s palette into a headpiece. (Adidas agrees with the movie! “Impossible is nothing”, right?)
“It’s hard to maintain your beliefs in the face of others.”
Then and Now: And the result? Stereotypes! And we face them everyday, including ourselves. We sometimes, if not all the time, sacrifice what we believe in just to satisfy someone and because we are afraid to be an outcast. We are afraid that they will think we are wrong. But after years of observing, there are people who like individuals who are real. Well, if you don’t agree, you can do experiments with the people who are in your circle. After all, if your friends are for real, incidental farting is not an issue.
“There’s a time to be daring. There’s a time to be cautious.”
Then (2003): This is true as there are times in our lives that we need to be daring and also, cautious.
Now (2007): We can be daring and cautious at the same time. I believe that these two should go together. I did my own little experiments on how to be just daring and how to be just plain cautious. To be daring brought me thrills of my life, the kind of exhilaration that left me breathless, gave me a kind of high. And to be just plain cautious bored me to death… It’s like you’re a freak, close to the character of Cate Blanchett in Babel. But to be daring and cautious at the same time gave me the thrill that I still want and a sense of personal security that isn’t boring. It’s like study hard, party hard, play hard condition. Definitely, a win-win situation for me, that is.
As I am nearing the end of this blog, I realized that I am still the same me as I was 3 ½ years ago. And I can say that I have a better understanding, if not the best, of things and how they work in this world. Carpe Diem!
(Seize every moment. Make the most out of it. Re-unite with your elementary, high school or college friends. Send a handwritten letter to a loved one; I’m sure that even we are in this e-mail era, she or he will be glad to receive it. Watch a movie alone; it’s not hard, really. Eat an ice cream just for this day! Dance like crazy; disco dancing doesn’t have criteria anyway. Gather that courage and say "hi" to your crush; I promise, you will not faint or melt in front of him. Just don’t overdo things. Do everything in moderation! You can be daring and cautious at the same time because nothing is impossible!)
